too tired to deny

and just when i'm too tired to deny it .. i'll blink away my pride and go to you , stand at the door of your heart for a good long time .. over thinking and rethinking .. eventually i decide  to knock on it .. you open the door and all the remaining doubts tend to vanish .. you bring me in to your colorful world .. i stand in awe for a second because for someone as gray as me .. i need time to process that .. so i set in .. let my tension fall asleep .. and you offer me a drink of relief .. i sip it in one shot , because that's how much i'm craving it for the time being .. you set next to me and start knitting the words of your mind .. i extend mine as well and as fast as my heart beats we fit in our seats weaving our thoughts were they mingle and intertwine between the sweet colorful air that bleeds for even just one easy gesture , one that he can bear .. but none of us is offering that for the meantime .. the ascending movement of our unison and how it carried a full package of energy and lights .. a unique luminous breeze .. and just when our chat gets sloppy and we run out of words to say and all the subjects seize .. i let our eyes do the job and we start a whole new level of warmth a kind of communication that is a bless .. where i feel no pressure and my enjoyment can't get less .. i see a beautiful reflection of my presence in your eyes .. and you see the affection i'm trapping inside the cage of my eyes and how much i'm terrified by that disguise , so you hold my hands and let all these worrying creatures disappear .. and for the feeling of gratitude .. and for the feeling of not wanting to lose this dude .. i'll say it .. yes i'll say it .. " I Love You! "
let the ice shatter and the volcanoes explode let the sky fall down and the ground to open wide and all the rivers overload , i won't back down .. i said it .. and what he said ? he draw on his best smile and with a face that is much more than red .. he said : " welcome to my kingdom .. where you'll be engaged to happiness .. treated with respect .. our future isn't something i can predict .. but i promise you , you'll always find me offering .. even when you can't accept "
that was something i didn't expect .. but i let my guesses fly away and the number of possibilities get out of my way and i fell on his arms right away .. where he devoured my body with one smooth gesture i have melted down .. i was absorbed and i felt like our definitive boundaries has vanished .. i felt like i'm evolving very fast .. and hitting anew level in my scale .. i felt him breathing me in and not planning to breath me out .. and for a multitasking personhood as his.. he did not only do that .. he lifted me as high as he could get and started circling around .. the world was one amazing and colorful globe and he was the center of it .. as soon as he put me down we shared some red .. broke the eye contact and skin contact .. let some air settle between us as we calmed our wild hearts .. after a quite thoughtless minds from both sides he asked me to set next to him and lean on his shoulder " just like you did now .. lean on me .. i'm reliable and always available .. let's not be independent .. let us be to each other dependent! . "  i closed my eyes and let those words hum in my ears , i'm loving the sound of it , it's so quite makes me wanna fall asleep .. " I lo-- --- ---! " i've fallen asleep before i hear the most fatal sentence in my life .. but that's how much good all his words sounded .. plus i'll hear it again when i wake up ... i convinced myself with these thoughts as i drifted away .
yet when i woke up there was none of this .. as i opened my eyes and blinked the unclear reality .. i noticed that it was just a dream .. i blamed the absurdity of fatality .. and the tears sledded down my cheeks nonchalantly .. for not only lacking the reality .. but also for losing such person so tragically.. i felt my heart being squashed dramatically .. silly how my mind adore this spirituality .. cause i lost this dude pragmatically .. i lost the one person that could give to my happiness the immortality ..